The Stranger in the Paradise

There was a stranger that I never thought would come in my life. A stranger who is the total opposite of me. A stranger that I can just have in my life but I couldn't literally have in my arms. A stranger, I thought I would never met and would turn my life upside down, just as easy as like that.

The paradise that I was once thought my solemn life--my paradise that I couldn't ask any better because it was already enough for me for whatever it was then. I have sense of familiarity that is why. But, the stranger came and my paradise didn't last--just as what is happening inside my chest. It is having a somersault and already in havoc. The tranquil paradise that I was once had then was never been the same again. It was like, it was never enough for me now. It was never familiar to me... never in my life that I would asked for more. That I would asked that stranger for me... only for me.

Little did I know, I'm not doing anything for my paradise. I was quite overwhelmed with the things inside me. I'm not doing anything to stop my silliness. I'm just allowing that stranger to move around my surroundings up to my humiliation and to my embarrassment, that stranger was already done to express clearly that him-being the stranger of my life has nothing to do with me. I felt  pathetic so I'm denying to death that I'm never in love with him because I am already barred to have bond with him or to dig deeper, to be in love with him because what the hell he cares anyway? So....was that the end of this? Nope. Like I said, I'm not doing anything... for now. Life isn't just stopping unless you have that stranger--that turned to be your someone who will be staying beside you, FOREVER.

The Feelings I have for Him

 05-23-2016

I know having the attraction towards your opposite sex is normal. Something that made you feel human and turning you to head-over-heels and put you at cloud nine sometimes. But the attraction I feel is bound to be unacceptable. I can't like him just because I want to, but because it cannot be. He's way too far to reach. I'm a bold woman, assertive ( yeah sort of) but I'm scared enough for him to notice the feelings that I have. Our age gap is very seemly, he has a job but me..while me is completely an ordinary student who's still molding to get through with and go on with the life as a student.  

Urgh! The reality is sometimes irritating!

So, this feelings must be forgotten to avoid openness and to avoid having the liability to explain to anybody. This feeling don't have the capacity to be nourish and don't have the capability to be encourage because this is so wrong. I'm so screwed, I don't want to deepen the feeling because I will just end up hurting, this is one sided like (I don't know if that's what you call for that). We are not a thing or an item, we don't belong for each others life and others world. And he don't like me either ( that hurts a lot). I will get through this. Period. I'll get over him, though I can't resist the feeling now, I know time will come. I'm exaggerating this but can't really help it! I don't want to get hurt more. I should stop this before it's too late...he will not catch me. So that's all for now.